The Cullens Visit Hotel Transylvania
by Monkeycat31811
Summary: Edward and Bella never get time to spend with their daughter, so they go to the Hotel Transylvania for Vacation and irritate everyone there.


The Cullen's trip to the Hotel Transylvania

This is a spoof on both Hotel Transylvania and the Twilight saga. I don't own Hotel Transylvania or the Twilight saga.

With so many people in their family, Bella and Edward barley got time to spend with their beautiful daughter Reneseme. Esme, Edward`s mother, got an idea that Edward and Bella should take a vacation somewhere just them and Renesme. Bella and Edward thought that was a wonderful idea and decided they would travel to the Hotel Transylvania to meet Dracula and other nice monsters like them.

Edward pulled up to the huge grey castle.

"Wo-wow! This-this-this is so cool! Were at Dra-dra-dracula's cas-cas-cas-castle!" Bella exclaimed looking out her window. "Renesme look out-out-out-outside."

"Mom! Leave me alone! I`m texting Jacob!" Renesmee yelled.

"You've ba-ba-been texting him all week none stop, maybe it's time ya-ya-ya-you to give it a rest." Bella told her. Bella quickly took Renesme`s phone from her.

"You just don't want me and Jake to be happy!" Renesme yelled almost crying. "I hate you! I hate you so much!"

"Renesmee don't talk to your mother like that or I won't let you see Jacob ever again!" Edward yelled.

"See you guys just hate him!" Renesme yelled crying. "I hope you guys get your head ripped off and burned in the fire so Jake and I can be happy together!"

The Cullens entered the hotel. Edward was a tall with pale white skin and red lips. He had copper hair and gold eyes. He dressed in blue button down shirts, dress pants and dress shoes. Renesme had pale white skin, long wavy red hair and gold eyes. She dressed in a yellow long sleeve shirt and a purple puff show vest over it. She wore ripped blue jeans and black converse. Bella has pale white skin she has straight longish brown hair and gold eyes. She wore a big red sweat shirt and blue jeans and crappy worn out shoes. As soon as the Cullens entered the hotel everyone stared at them and looked terrified.

"Humans! Humans!" a gremlin yelled in a seaky voice. He ran off still screaming "humans! Humans!" Everyone started to panic and ran around in different directions.

"Were-were-not-not humans!" Bella yelled. "Were vampires!"

"Lies! Lies!" the gremlin yelled.

Suddenly he appeared….the legendary Count Dracula. Dracula had black hair combed and jelled back, he had big blue eyes and wore a completely black outfit with a black cape.

"What is going on!?" Dracula yelled.

An old looking ware wolf ran over to him. "There are humans in the hotel! I thought this place was supposed to be human free!"

"Why does this keep happening!?" Dracula asked himself. Dracula ran over to the Cullens.

"How did you get in here!?"Dracula yelled.

"Sir, we saw your ad in Vampires weekly and followed the directions. Were vampires." Edward told him calmly.

"You don't look like vampires your wearing colors other than black and red. Plus you have no fangs."

"Well were-were twilight vampires." Bella told Dracula. "You know the ones-the ones-the ones that- that-that get all the movies and book deals."

"…..oh great." Dracula said dully.

"Dra- dra-dracula can I-I- -" Bella stuttered.

"What is wrong with you? Just spit it out." Dracula commented.

"Sorry she suffers from stuttering baboon dieses. It's a real thing. She takes meds for it and everything. "Edward told Dracula. "But they don't help much."

"Can I ask-ask-ask you a-a-a question?" Bella asked.

"No! I cannot take this annoying stuttering anymore!"

"Plea-plea-please, it-it-it will just take a-a –a-a"

"Fine! Go! Ask your question?"

"Have you-you-you ever used-used-used mi-mi-mi mind control on anyone ever?"

"…." Dracula face palmed. "…..yes. In 809 years of being a vampire mind control comes in handy often."

Dracula lead the Cullens down the hall to get them to their room. A teen werewolf and his 10 siblings are running in the halls playing football.

Renesmee laughed. "Jacob is so much cuter in his wolf form."

"A form?" Dracula questioned. "What do mean a form? Those kids were were born looking like that?"

"What kind of ware wolf is born looking like a ware wolf? Isn't that just a wolf?" Renesme argued.

"What kind of vampire doesn't turn into a bat or burn in the sunlight?"

Suddenly Dracula`s Daughter, Maybis ran over to him. Maybis had short black hair and blue eyes. Dressed in a black dress with black boots.

"Daddy, Me and Johnny want to go see this band Muse preform in town tonight. I`ll be back by 10:30. Can I go?"

"That's fine. Just watch out for those humans."

"Thank you so much!" Maybis hugged her father. Maybis then noticed the Cullens out of the corner of her eye.

"Hey you guys look like guys from Twilight movies!"

"acutally we-" Edward started.

"Oh no! You watched those movies?" Dracula exclaimed with disappointment. "Those movies are a disgrace to our kind." Turns to the Cullens. "No offence."

"It's a good movie series, Johnny showed it to me. It's so Romantic." Maybis told her dad. Then Maybis Whispers to her dad. "But why the actors here? Do they know this a real monster hotel?"

"We are real monsters." Edward told Maybis. "We are the real Cullens."

"you guys are real!" Maybis shouts excitedly. "That is so cool!"

"But I have a question why do you guys sparkle?" Maybis asked.

"Because we just do! Gosh! It's not like I choose to sparkle!" Edward replied.

Maybis looked toward Renesmee. "You must be Renesme. You're a teen vampire like me now right?"

"Obviously." Renesmee said smugly.

"Maybe we can hang out sometime?"

Renesme smiled an evil smile. "Sure, maybe I can tag along to that Muse concert."

"Yeah sure. We actually have an extra ticket." Maybis told her.

"That's great!" Renesmee said with a fake smile. Then she turned to her mom. "I'm gana need my phone back if I'm going to a concert I need to be able to call you if I get lost or hurt."

Bella rolled her eyes and handed Renesmee the phone. She immediately started texting Jake again.

At the concert Renesmee spent most of the concert texting Jake. But then her battery died. Then all Renesmee did was complain.

"Ugh! I don't even like muse! They suck! I hate my life! I wish I was with Jacob! I wish I was a full vampire! I wish I could marry Jake now! I wish I could have sex with him! I wish I was pretty! I wish I could drink blood! I wish Jacob was here! I hate this phone why did it have to die!"

"You know you were way less annoying in the movies." Johnny told her.

"I was like five then. I didn't know how much my life sucked."

"You live in a fancy cottage that looks even nicer in the inside. You have a huge rich family, you have a boyfriend, nice clothes, your immortal and you can share your memories with people by touch. So how does your life suck? You really have no reason to complain." Johnny pointed out.

"You're a dick. My life is miserable!" Renesmee told Johnny.

"Soo…..your dating a ware wolf what's that like?" Maybis asked trying to change the subject.

"He's so sexy! And warm! And kind! And he's best friends with my mom! And he loves me and said we`ll get married one day!"

"Wait but isn't he your uncle?" Johnny asked.

"Yeah so?"

"Well that's kind of wrong." Maybis commented. "I mean that would be like me dating my uncle Frankenstein. " Maybis shivered at the thought.

"Plus isn't Jacob 17 years older than you. Don't you feel that's weird?" Johnny added.

Renesmee stood up. "You're just jealous! Cause I found true love and you didn't!"

"Actually me and Maybis zinged, so that means we are meant for each other." Johnny told Renesmee.

"What is zinged? Is that another word for sex?" Renesmee asked confused.

Maybis laughed. "No it's a thing that happens when monsters meet their true love."

"I have never heard of that. Are you sure you didn't just make that up?" Renesmee inquired.

"Yeah I'm sure." Maybis told her.

"and then-then-then Edward rip-rip-ripped Victoria`s head-head-head off an-an-an-an-an-an-an-and threw it in the-the-the-the fire." Bella finished telling Dracula. As she followed him around as he tried to take care of the hotel.

"I don't care about your life story. I`m trying to work." Dracula told Bella. She had been telling him her life story for 6 hours. He had had enough.

"So the-the-the-then we thought-we thought every-every-everything was good and fine. And the-the then we find out the Vol-vol-vol-vollturi thinks we broke Twilight Vampire law."

Dracula turned red and his eyes turned red. And he gave Bella this very angry look. "MRS. CULLEN GO BACK TO ROOM AND STOP BOTHERING ME! I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR LIFE STORY!"

"Hey Edward I wanted to ask you something ever since I saw the first twilight movie." Johnny told Edward.

"Okay? What is it?" Edward asked.

"Why do you always either dress like a college professor or a gay guy?" Johnny asked.

"Because…well…..can you keep a secret?"

"No. I was told about this place and I told all my friends and showed them pictures. And I snuck 4 of them in here too."

"Well I'm gana tell you anyways. I`m secretly the adopted child of Ross Gallerd from the show Friends and Jimmy Mackaroy from the movie Blades of Glory."

"But I thought they were both straight?"

"That was what they wanted you to think, but it was all just an act."

"No way!"

"Way!"

"How about Bella why does she always dress like a lesbian?"

"Why do you think?" Edward asked.

"No way! But your two seem so perfect."

"Yeah I know. I just found out last night. I saw her messing around with Frankenstein's wife and that wolf guy`s wife last night by the vending machine."

Finally after a week, it was time for the Cullens to go home. Once they left Dracula put a silver sign on the front door that read: No Cullens are allowed to enter this hotel by any circumstances. You are not wanted here!

The End+


End file.
